By the fact that I'm still here, I didn't admit myself to hospital. I wanted to, but then I did feel better, and I didn't feel there was a right time to ask, and all sorts of nonsense. I find it insane that I know how nuts I'm being, I can identify that I'm being crazy but I can't stop myself from being that way. It's like there's two people in my head, the sensible logical person who says - you are ill, go to hospital and the other person who runs screaming at the mention of a hospital. Still, I feel the way things are going, the choice may soon not be mine. When I feel like I'm dying, I have no qualms about wailing and letting the world know.
I spent most of today asleep. Cuddled up to my two new webkinz that arrived in the post (Black Friesian called ''Shatan'' and a Pinto called ''Harvey''). Dad woke me up to go up the field, and we went and fed the horses. Walked Harvey about, the little stinker nipped me - but by accident, he spent most of his time licking me and trying to groom me. Very sweet, but he's a bit careless with his teeth.
And that's been about it. I've taken another load of painkillers and I think I'll be heading to bed shortly. It's hellish. And all I'm thinking about is webkinz, it's a huge distraction. Cute, cuddly little buggers. The only reason I've had for actually getting up and online and being somewhat active is because of webkinz, if it wasn't for the need to ''look after'' them, I'd just have stayed in bed. But instead I came on to put all the pets through the Academy for the day.
And all I've thought about all day is the absolute overwhelming urge for this fantail fish webkinz. I can't afford to buy any more until like the end of September. But I'm so distracted on it, I'd sell my soul for one. How nuts is that? But I suppose, something has to catch my interest. And focussing on a fish shaped plush is better than focussing on a swollen gall bladder.
But off again, time to sit down and stare at tv with my Dad. Oh, and the title isn't just random, I'm so wasted on painkillers, I spent 40 minutes watching caterpillars waving their bums at each other on the willow tree in the garden. I did take pictures, but the batteries in the camera died. So well, no pictures.
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
1 comment:
After reading your last post, I can completely understand why the thought of a hospital makes you want to run away screaming. You should NEVER have been treated that way and I'm disgusted at the doctors. Don't they take some kind of oath to "first do no harm?" But sometimes we have to suck it up and do things we hate the very thought of doing. I hope you will go to the hospital because it would make my heart happy to hear you're doing better.
And I'm very glad you have kinz to distract you. I think we all need distractions to keep from completely losing it! If I wasn't afraid of becoming addicted to them and if I hadn't already spent too much money on my own form of escape, I'd explore them myself. ;)
Post a Comment